Positive Sentiment Override

Positive Sentiment Override and Negative Sentiment Override is something that I first read about in the book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. I am currently rereading this book, and when I read about Positive and Negative Sentiment Override this time through, I felt that it could be applied widely to my life.

The idea of Positive and Negative Sentiment Override was developed by John Gottman, an expert in the field of relationships and marital stability. Gottman uses Positive and Negative Sentiment Override to describe the general state of a relationship between two people. If the relationship is largely positive, the relationship is good and is said to be in Positive Sentiment Override. If you are experiencing Positive Sentiment Override with someone, they can do something very annoying or troublesome, yet you will not lash out at them or act negatively towards them. The catch is that in order for a relationship to be in Positive Sentiment Override, positive behaviors need to outweigh negative ones about 20:1.

This reminded me a lot about the idea of “stories”, from The Landmark Forum. The idea is that you have a certain “story” which you associate with a certain person. You think your father is a jerk. Your son is lazy. You think your co-worker is trying to get you fired. No matter what your story is about a certain person, you are always looking for things that prove your story. If they do something that doesn’t match with your story, you just ignore it – but when they do something that does prove your story, you think “I’m right! He is a jerk!” and then continue the cycle.

The same theory applies for a positive story. People who are caught in a positive story about a bad person might stay in an abusive relationship. No matter how they came about to develop their story, they think “He loves me!” and they only look for things that prove this point. If the spouse does something negative, they think “He’s just having a bad day.” – and then when he finally shows up for dinner, they think “See! He does love me!”

I would say that if you are stuck in a negative story about someone, then your relationship with that person is in Negative Sentiment Override. If that someone is a person that is important to you, then this can weigh on your well-being. Most people know what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone that you love, but to have that relationship go poorly. It is a strain on every aspect of your life.

Negative Sentiment Override should be a place that you try to avoid. Negative Sentiment Override costs you a lot (love, well-being, self-esteem) and gives you nothing of value. If you are walking around thinking “He’s such a jerk. I hate him.” – then you are not doing positive things with your energy and you are eroding away your own personal happiness. You are pulling negativity towards your being.

While you might not be able to achieve Positive Sentiment Override with everyone in your life, you should try to go through your life with a general sense of Positive Sentiment Override. We all have to deal with certain people that we may not like, but being in a state of Positive Sentiment Override will help you to deal better with the negative people and things that you encounter. You will be putting out positive energy and the universe will respond to you in a positive way.

More information about Positive and Negative Sentiment Override.

The Landmark Forum is a program offered by Landmark Education.