Stop The Pity Party

It’s easy for humans to get caught up in the importance of our own lives. I will often get upset by the events of my day, or feel down about myself, and decide to throw a Pity Party. A Pity Party is when you are feeling bad, so you start to enroll other people in the idea of your feeling bad, in an effort to get their pity and make yourself feel better. You want to feel better but instead of doing something that makes a real difference in your life, you seek validation from other people. They pat you on the head and say “There-there. It’s okay. Everything will be alright.” Pity Parties do nothing to solve your problems or to boost your self-esteem.

The result of a Pity Party is that you may feel slightly better afterwards, but your real problems have not gone away. If you feel bad because you have a mountain of debt and you lost your job, throwing a Pity Party solves nothing. Having your mother say “It’s okay honey. You’re such a hard worker, you will get a new job soon. I love you.” - it solves nothing. Instead of calling your credit card company and working out a payment plan or hitting the streets and looking for a new job, you are sitting on the phone and chatting with your mother about how pathetic your life is.

Throwing a Pity Parties doesn’t make you a bad person, but it adds nothing to your life. Your mother will not love you more, your friends will not be more interested in you, you will not suddenly be out of debt or weigh 20 pounds less. Pity Parties fulfill a need for humans because it removes us from responsibility. When someone tells you “It’s okay”, you are validated. You think “It isn’t my fault that I have all this debt. I’m a good person. I’m a hard worker. My mommy loves me. I’m so relieved that it’s not my fault.”

A side effect of throwing a Pity Party is that it costs you the admiration of other people. Think about how you feel when a friend comes to you looking for pity. You do your best to cheer them up and show them the silver lining, but in the end you just feel sorry for them or wonder why they are whining like a small child. That is exactly how people feel about your Pity Parties. They feel sorry for you, they roll their eyes, and they wonder why you are acting like a child.

The next time you are feeling down about yourself, try doing something that motivates and moves you. Instead of going to your friend and telling her about your rotten day, jumpstart your inspiration and seize the opportunity to create a new future.