What’s The Cost of Your Anger?
When you are angry at someone, who is really feeling the impact of your anger? A lot of times when I am angry at a specific person, that person isn’t even aware of my anger. I might be angry that one of my friends did not call me back, but instead of calling that friend and confronting the situation, I keep the anger bottled inside of myself or take my upset out on someone else that is around me. In reality the source of the anger may be my friend, but I am the one that is paying the cost of my anger.
Two questions that you can ask yourself when you are angry or in a bad emotional state is “What impact is this having on me?” and “What is the impact on the other person?” In the situation as described above, the cost to me is large. I am upset and walking around angry all day. In this state, small things are likely to upset me more and I may find it hard to focus on work or to carry about my day. Being in a bad emotional state is a poor way to go through a day, and a poor way to go through life.
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The impact on my friend is likely to be zero. If my friend isn’t aware that I am angry at him, then how could it cost him anything? Another point to consider is that while my friend isn’t aware of my anger, I may take out my emotions on my girlfriend or another person. The impact on these receivers of my aggression is high. They don’t know that I am in a bad mood, but I may yell at them or be short with them. Without having any real say about my emotional state, these receivers are paying a high cost. They may become angry themselves, or they may think that I am upset with them when I am really upset with my friend.
The basic idea here is that when I am angry and I don’t tell the other person that I am angry, I am having a high impact on myself. I am costing myself peace, productivity, friendship, and many other things. I am passing a high cost on to my loved ones, and I’m not even confronting the problem with my friend.
Other Articles:
+ Owning Your Actions will make you a responsible person.
+ Getting Starting will get you out the door and on your way.
+ Positive Sentiment Override gives you a good outlook on life.
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October 22nd, 2007 at 7:35 pm
You have been added to The Personal Development List. I would love for you to participate by linking back to us. You may also want to check out the book project I’m putting together right now. http://priscillapalmer.com/priscillapalmer/2007/10/16/book-submission-request-article/
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:10 am
This is a great post and very informative. I find that anger reflects more seriously on the person who expresses it rather than at any problem or issue that may have caused the anger.
Doug
www.dougwoods.com
October 23rd, 2007 at 12:18 pm
Priscilla - Thanks so much for adding me to your list. I will give you a mention in a future post. There’s a lot of good links on there.
Doug - Glad you enjoyed the post, hope to see you back again soon.
Thanks for both of your comments and thanks for checking out the blog!
-Chris