Acknowledging What’s So

From the Landmark Forum I learned that “acknowledging what’s so” is the idea of looking at a situation and accepting what are the facts. It is common for people to add meaning to a situation, beyond what is actually there. For instance, if my friend doesn’t answer his phone, I might think “he hates me”, but the fact is that he simply didn’t answer his phone. When I “acknowledge what’s so”, I am able to look at the world and escape the trap of adding my own meaning to situations.

Today I took a pretty long train ride across town to get a key copied for our new apartment. When my girlfriend talked to the locksmith earlier this week, they said that we had to bring a copy of our lease – but when I arrived at the store, they told me that they could only give me a key if the building association first sent them a fax. Obviously we were told two different things, and now I had wasted my morning because the people at the locksmith don’t seem to know what they are doing.

At this point, I had two options:

1. I could throw a temper tantrum like a 3 year old, wave my arms around and scream until I’m red in the face. In this case, they wouldn’t give me the key because the fact remains that I would still need a fax from the building association – and I’d look like an idiot.
2. I could be sure to get all the information that I need, so that this does not happen again.

Fact is, I wasn’t very happy. I got up early and trekked across town to get this key, and now they’re telling me a story that is different from their original promise. Aside from wasting my time, it wasn’t a huge deal, but it was irritating none the less.

When they told me that I couldn’t copy the key, I quickly started telling my side of the story – we had talked to someone earlier this week, they told us we could bring in a copy of the lease, etc. The locksmith understood, but said that he wasn’t able to copy my key. At this point I “acknowledged what’s so” and understood that he couldn’t give me a copy of the key. He wasn’t denying me the key because he hates me. He wasn’t denying me the key because he wanted to be a jerk. He was denying me the key because he wasn’t allowed to make the key for me. That’s all.

Often times I feel like a pushover in these situations, but I think it is better to keep a level head. If I had thrown a temper tantrum, would it really have done any good? If I stomped my feet and banged on the counter, would he have copied my key? I see this as unlikely.

If I had thrown my temper tantrum and then been denied a copy of the key, how do think I would be feeling right now? I would probably we walking around angry, cursing the locksmith all day long, and bringing a general negative energy into my life.

When you are able to “acknowledge what’s so” in a situation, you can save yourself a lot of grief and stress. Yes you will still have to deal with the situation, much in the way that I still have to get my key copied, but you will have a happier and healthier outlook.

The Landmark Forum is a program offered by Landmark Education